i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
