well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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