apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
