2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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