If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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