I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
