Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
