I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize