Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
