she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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