My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
