im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
