hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
These tits shall not be calmed
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
