Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
