We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
