remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
