I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I could make wine with my vomit
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
