We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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