Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
