Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
