you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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