I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
