whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
