now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I smell stomach acid.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Randomize
