I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
