i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
