A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
