I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
