His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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