I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
