You're completely useless in the revolution.
it was like eating out sand paper
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
