You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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