i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
