Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Fuck appropriateness.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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