So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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