I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
