Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
the liver wants what the liver wants
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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