I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
