You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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