i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
