The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
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I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
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Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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