oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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