Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
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