i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
