ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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