is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
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Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
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It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I forget how to act sober
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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