I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
