Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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