I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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