I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
My ATM looks so different sober.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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