I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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