According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You pole danced in your parka.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
