She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
