Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
