So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
