dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
