TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
