i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
