i may or may not be watching the land before time
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
