i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
