you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
