toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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