lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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