Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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