I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
