There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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