U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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