next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Randomize
