My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Just high enough for therapy.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
