Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Blow job season was short but glorious.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
