Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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