grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
