Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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