I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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