barbara walters just said penis...
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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