Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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