So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
