every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize