I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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