so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
