If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once