I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
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